About Ajiri Aki

Ajiri is an author and video producer who grew up in Austin, Texas and lived in New York City for 10 years. She worked in the fashion and museum worlds as an editor, stylist, research intern and associate curator at several fashion magazines, The Costume Institute of The Met, and the Museum of the City of New York.

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Comments ( 18 )
  1. Dear Ajiri,
    Stop with the social expectations. Sleep if you feel like sleeping. Get a babysitter if you feel tired. Slow down! Pregnancy is rough on our bodies! Put off deadlines!
    This is the time to rest as after birth there will be two;)
    I also never liked the feeling of being pregnant. But that i already shared with you.
    Take care and even so congrats on your pregnancy;)

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  2. Judy Farr Rieke

    Dear Ajiri: I am so glad you are expressing your feeling about being pregnant. It is a real relief to me to hear you speak. I am Julie Le’s friend from Seattle. Both of my children are grown already. I have decided that there are two kinds of mothers: the mothering type and the glad-that’s-over type. I have always felt that I want to a more than a top-notch mother. There are so many other things in life to do besides be a mother, although it is one of the most important. You will get through this. I remember thinking: I will never have post-partum depression. I’ll be so happy that the baby is out.

    Love,
    Judy Farr Rieke

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    • mm

      Dear Judy, I too can’t wait till this baby is out!Thank you so much for sharing and for the kind words. I really do appreciate it. Love from Paris, Ajiri

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  3. I feel what you are going through. I too have experienced unpopular thoughts of how it’s not all joyful during pregnancy. You are not alone at all. Rather than try to get you to shrug off your feelings, I will instead commend you for being honest with yourself about them, and wish that the rest of your pregnancy journey passes as peacefully as possible.

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  4. Ajiri,
    Like I told you many times you can call me or e-mail me anytime. I have never never liked being pregnant. I would like to say your picture carrying Noomie is the Epitome of Motherhood, you looked beautiful, even if you do not feel it. I will continue to always contact you like I always have. ( Just do not want to over do it because being pregnant can make you moody) Will always be here for you. I just need an invitation. :-) I never had a doctor tell me stop kissing my child and nothing happened to them. I never ever heard of that. I have heard about the cat thing, the food thing, but never kissing a child. Do not worry, women have had babies forever.
    All your thoughts are normal.

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    • mm

      Thank you for this sweet message and the kind words. It is obviously not always easy for me to reach out, but I always appreciate your messages. Yes this thing about not letting Noomi kiss me is so that I do not contact Cytomegalovirus (CMV). And I wish I could relax a bit and not worry so much! It such an unknown carrying a human inside and not knowing what is going on in there. Than k you again for this message and sharing.

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  5. Thank you for speaking with such truth and clarity of emotion, that my dear takes great strength. I can only imagine the second time around is particularly daunting, you can see through happy naivety, not to mention what an immense wear it is on the body. These beautiful babes are vampires for attention and zap our energy, then zap some back with a smile and / or with a swift kick in the belly! ‘They’ tell you to be present in every moment because it all is so fleeting, you know this having lost your mom, i’m sorry. Endure the pain, it will make you stronger and this part of motherhood will be a faded memory and then before we know it our children will be leaving home for good. I really believe it’s all so fleeting. I hope that provides some reassurance and comfort, certainly know I need reminding of the big picture.

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    • mm

      Sometimes in the present I have to remind myself like you said this will pass and these moments will be memories before I know it. Thank you so much Lea for these sweet words.

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  6. This is such wonderful frank article – thank you so much for writing and sharing it.
    You article has made me weep – with joy, relief or both? My daughter is now 18 months – I love her more than words can express but I feel that my debilitating pregnancy – both emotionally and physically – still haunts me. I can relate to everything you say and feel such guilt for feeling so negative about an experience which for many is enriching.
    As my closet people will know – to ever decide to try for another baby would take a huge act of courage for me. I can anticipate everything you are going through and recognise it as familiar from my first time around.
    The only thing that gives me hope is that perhaps with an existing little person – although the pregnancy itself is harder and more physical – at least they are a constant daily reminder of why not to drop into the depression which could be so difficult to surface from? & equally as a reminder of – why you are suffering and going through it all?
    Again, thank you for sharing this – all the things you say are hugely brave and I feel it is necessary that we have a constructive dialogue around these issues to recognise they are shared by others.
    Joanna

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    • mm

      Thank you so much Joanna. I admit this was a hard one to right for fear of judgement from others and just saying it out loud. I also haven’t heard other women talk much about disliking pregnancy. But you are so right that these little people give us hope and call us away from letting the depression totally take over. I know my daughter really helps me when I want to just give up. Bon courage to you my friend.

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  7. Oh my. I could have written so much of this. I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with my second kiddo, and my son is 3.5 years old. I am exhausted all the time, worried about the baby being okay and sad because I don’t really feel a connection to it yet (I haven’t been feeling a lot of movement, and with my son I was feeling it at 16 weeks!), and I can’t exercise like I used to due to this awful pelvic pain that reared its ugly head far too early. I really WANT to be excited and happy and all aflutter, but so many things are happening that it’s so tough. I also struggle with depression/anxiety, which takes its toll on the pregnancy glow. Bottom line: You are TOTALLY not alone. :) I hope the rest of your pregnancy flies by and you hold your sweet baby in your arms and say goodbye to pregnancy in no time.

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    • mm

      Thank you so much Catherine for these kind words. It is so hard being pregnant and I too don’t feel so much connection right now. Maybe it is hard to connect when all our attention is on feeling crummy and dealing with 3 year olds! Sending you good vibes as well!

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  8. I am going through this right now. I’m generally irritated by my friend who is pregnant and having the glowing reviews of it and I’m not enjoying this. I have 6 more months and im a first time mom and so I doubt knew what to look forward to. What if I like that as much as this? Have I signed myself up for something I don’t actually want? I also got this awful rash where you break out in hives. It’s only happening to 1:200 women and 99% of those women get it in the last few weeks of pregnancy. I have it in the end of tree first trimester. The only cure is giving birth. I’m in chronic physical discomfort now ad thus on the heels of morning sickness. I feel super alone. Reading this article helps. Thank you.

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    • mm

      Yes pregnancy was super rough for me too so I feel you. It will be a long road you have a head but hang in there my friend and know you are not alone! And there is light at the end of the tunnel!

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